Dear Dr. Michelle:
My daughter came out to me a few months ago and told me that she is a lesbian. She is 16. I love her. I want to be open-minded and constantly try to say the right things to support her and show her I am there for her. privately though, I ’ meter having a harder meter accepting this than I thought I would. I want to equitable get over these feelings and move on. Help .
It is normal for you to struggle with new data about your child and you are doing the right thing by trying to figure out how to accept your daughter ’ s sexual orientation. This is an area of your daughter ’ south life in which you have no control over. however, you do have dominance in whether you choose to accept it. If you choose to not accept her for who she is and who may love, it could lead to dire consequences for your relationship with each other .
To help you keep things in perspective, make a number of actions and behaviors that you think you would need to display to show your acceptance. then make a tilt of all the ways you showed your daughter full acceptance of her before she came forbidden. What is different about those lists ? You might be surprised to find short to no remainder.
Make a List
many actions and behaviors on your list are probably things you are already doing, such as loving her, supporting her financially, attending her adulterous events, encouraging her build positive friendships, helping her discover her talents and abilities and the list probably goes on. If any of the ways in which you support your daughter now do not go against your own moral or ethical code of living, then those things do not need to change based on your daughter ’ s sexual orientation. Continue to behave and treat your daughter with the lapp tied of love and confirm in all the ways you did before you learned of this new data .
If there are some differences on your lists, concentrate on trying to understand the reasons for those differences. Ask yourself the baffling questions about why her sexual orientation course would require different behaviors or actions .
Accepting her intimate orientation course does not mechanically mean that you won ’ t have some personal feelings to work through. Dig deep and identify all the thoughts and feelings you are having. Be honest with yourself. What are your concerns ? Are your feelings rooted in biases or prejudices you have been taught to believe ? possibly it ’ s not that you are having a hard time accepting your child ’ mho intimate orientation course, but rather, you have fears and concerns about what other people might think. If this is true, it will be crucial to build up your own personal strength to withstand the judgements and feelings of others. If your social net won ’ thymine accept you or your daughter, you might have to face re-evaluating that sociable net and expanding your personal patronize system.
As you work through your feelings, search out resources that can help you. Set yourself on a path of self-discovery. Get educated about sexual orientation course and resolve to learn more so that you can change or challenge any biases and prejudices. excellent materials exist that help educate others on the struggles and challenges the LGBTQ community faces on a personal floor and as a community .
You could besides consider joining support groups for parents. PFLAG, a national constitution with local chapters, provides great resources for parents .
Dr. Michelle K. Murray, CEO of Nexus Family Healing and licensed marriage and Family Therapist, answers questions about family relations or mental health. Submit Your question.
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